My work is a very specific fight against specific fears, one at a time. It comes close to a defining, an understanding and accepting of fear."–Louise Bourgeois
Don't give up. Giving up is the worst thing you can do. Face your fears. Don't let anyone crush your spirit so much that you can never fall in love again or experience emotions when talking to someone. It's okay to cry and fall apart. Right now, standing up seems impossible, but you must allow yourself to heal. You can't waste a whole lifetime lying on the floor until it's over.
You feel hurt and afraid of trying to meet someone else. You're afraid that maybe everything will be great at the start but will then snowball into a series of rage, fights, misunderstanding, and jealousy that will eventually bury you. But, if you give up, you will enshroud yourself in a colorless world with no hopes or emotions. You'll be static. Your life will pass you by in front of your eyes and you won't be living, just existing.
Learn to let go. Maybe you think there's something impossible for you to forget, but holding on to grief will only harm you. Sometimes we need to start over. When we do this, we may experience mixed feelings. We want to let go and hold on to a person at the same time, but you must learn to faire le vide, a conceptthat means to empty your mind completely. The only way for you to learn that things can be different is to stop thinking about everything that brought you down. Let yourself go with the flow and not against it.
If you're still unsure about wanting to fall in love again, take a look at these tips.
Tell the truth
If you're already dating someone, but still feel afraid, come clean and tell them what's happening, how you're feeling, and the fear you experience every time you want to say something nice. If that person really wants to stay by your side, they will try to understand, be patient, and wait for you to heal and overcome that fear.
Don't try to control everything
Once we've been hurt, we usually try to control every detail of our dates with that person. But you also have to understand that a relationship is made up of two people. Whatever they think about your relationship, or whoever they hang out with, is really not up to you. The best thing for you to do is to stop thinking about how much you can control things.
Accept what you're feeling
The only person lying about their feelings is you. Everyone around you knows that the only thing that's keeping you from having a great relationship is you and your fear of being vulnerable after having feelings for someone.
Stop thinking that nobody is worth it
Not every man or woman who comes across your way will break your heart into a million pieces. Not everyone is a bad person. Sometimes when people are willing to earn our trust, the only thing left is for us to trust them. If you live everyday worried that they may stab you in the back, you'll never be able to enjoy those little pleasures life is made of.
Stop thinking everyone will be the same
If you have been let down two, three, or four times, that's probably because you haven't made the right choices, and not because every man or woman is the same. So stop generalizing. There are good people out there.
Don't worry thinking about the future
Thinking about the future will only make you miss the present moment and great experiences. You'll only feel anxious about things that haven't even happened or that maybe aren't even possible beyond your imagination. So no, your current partner won't dump you for the first person they see in a party. Calm down and try to be aware that all those delusions are just in your head.
Don't ask for everyone's opinions
Everyone speaks from their own experience, so listening to everyone will only get you confused. If you don't know what you want, what makes you think that they'll know? It is better to wait until you know what you want, and only then ask for advice.
Don't date many people if you know you won't fall in love
This is something that people usually do to avoid commitment and just enjoy life. However, what usually happens is that the lack of commitment takes away the opportunity of exploring new possibilities, and in the end leaves you with a feeling of emptiness that's even greater than what you feel now.
Let them get close to the real you
Pretending both of you are perfect can't be farther from reality. Real people are imperfect, but that's part of what makes them beautiful. If you try to hide those quirks you don't like about yourself, you'll never feel comfortable with yourself. Plus, you'll live dreading every wrong move you could make. Just be honest about your strengths and weaknesses.
If you really like someone give them a chance
Don't try to fool yourself. If someone is not into you, they will look for any excuse to stop seeing you: the way you dress, the form of your face, if you're too blond or too ginger for them, and so on... It doesn't really matter if you're attracted to that person, if they don't want anything with you, the best thing to do is to find someone who shares your feelings.
Learn to trust
I know you're afraid, but trust is the foundation of any relationship. If you don't feel like you can trust your partner, then you don't have anything to do there. But also take into account that you have to risk a little or you'll never know what you can win.
Learn to trust
1 comments
Great stuff! Just look at what's positive & possible!!! God bless your kind heart!
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