COPING WITH BREAKUPS

Ending a relationship is hard, whether it was your decision or the other person’s decision. You may be dealing with painful emotions and want to deal with those feelings as quickly as possible.

1

Keep your distance. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, break away completely from each other right after the breakup. This means not seeing each other, not being around his/her family members, no phone calls, no e-mails, no text messages, no Facebook, and no IMs.

You don’t have to have stop talking forever, but you do need to cut all communication for as long as it takes to get completely over your ex. If he/she tries to convince you to see him/her, ask yourself honestly what the point would be. If you're reliving the past by seeing him/her, it's not hard to get caught up in the moment and it will be harder to let go again.

You may have to have some contact in order to deal with the practical aspects of things like moving out, signing papers, etc., but try to limit this to what's absolutely necessary, and then keep such calls/meetings short and civil.

2

Organize your space. A breakup can signify a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning and organizing your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming and depressing, and will just add to your stress level. Keeping busy with tidying your space doesn't require a lot of brain power, but it does require just enough focus to keep you from recycling pain.

Clean your room, get some new posters, clean up the icons on your PC desktop. As insignificant as cleaning up sounds, it'll make you feel better.

3

Remove painful memory triggers. There are all kinds of things that remind you of your ex––a song, a smell, a sound, a place. Having these items around can make it harder for you to recover from a breakup. Remove all of the things that make your heart ache or your stomach turn. It can work wonders to clear your space of all these triggers.

If you have a keepsake, such as a watch or piece of jewelry that was given to you by your ex, there's nothing wrong with keeping it. But for the time being, try putting it away until you have gotten over the  breakup..

4

Get out and do things. After a relationship ends, it is okay to have some time to yourself at home. Just make sure that you get back out in the world after you have processed your feelings. Make plans, go out with your friends, and have fun! It might seem awkward at first, but it will get easier and it will help you to feel better. Getting out and doing things is also important because you need to grow and maintain your social network after a breakup. Doing so will help you to move on with your life.

Don't feel like you need to go out with other people all of the time. Take yourself out to do things and enjoy the freedom to do what you want. Go to your favorite coffee shop, go shopping, or take yourself on a mini-vacation.

5

Beware of rebound relationships. Often people will quickly enter a new relationship following a breakup; this type of relationship is called a rebound relationship. Rebounding may be common, but it is not always a good idea. When you enter into a relationship too soon after breaking up with someone, you may be masking your negative emotions with the excitement of a new relationship. If that new relationship does not work out, you may have to deal with the pain of two breakups at once. Consider remaining single until you have fully processed your emotions and gotten over the breakup.

6

Continue to take care of yourself. It is common for people to put less effort into self-care after a breakup, but doing so will not help you to feel better. Make sure that you are seeing to your basic needs for mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. If you were not taking good care of yourself before the relationship ended, now is a good time to start. Make sure that you are eating well, sleeping enough, making time for relaxation, and getting regular exercise to feel your best.

Eat a balanced diet that includes plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and lean protein. Avoid junk food, excess sugar, and excess fat.

Get between 7-8 hours of sleep per night. Keep in mind that some people may be okay with less than 7 hours per night or require more than 8 hours of sleep per night.

Exercise for 30 minutes five times a week. Go for a 30-minute walk, ride your bike around town, or hit the pool and go swimming.

Relax for at least 15 minutes per day. Try meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga to help you relax.

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